Tag Archives: birthparents

Are You Asking Yourself the Important Questions?

Are You Asking Yourself the Important Questions? Have you ever had to deal with tons of unsolicited advice and un-asked-for opinions while going through one of the most difficult times in your life? If you are contemplating an adoption plan for your baby, you will probably be subjected to everything from “ that’s an honorable choice” to “it’s a mistake!”   The nurse in your doctor’s office may offer praise for the unselfish decision you are making. A friend in school might tell you that you’ll regret it.   Your own family may promise to help if you “keep it” and the father of the baby may say he’d rather if you just got rid of it! Just what you need – others telling you what to do! YOU are the only person who really understands what lies ahead of you and what you are feeling!

Ask yourself the questions listed below as you think about the options you have for your child:

  • What are your immediate and long-term goals in life? Remember, parenting is a life-long commitment.
  • If still in school, how important is it to finish? Did you ever dream of a new career?
  • How will bringing another child home from the hospital impact your life and, more importantly, the lives of other children that you may already be parenting?
  • Will you be able to rely on family to help or is there daycare available so you can go back to work? How will you pay for that?
  • Will the father of the baby help to support this child – will you continue to have a relationship with him?
  • What is your relationship with your parents, and the parents of the baby’s father?
  • What emotional and financial support can you rely upon?
  • How would you feel if you found an adoptive family who could provide a stable future and solid foundation in life for your child?
  • What kind of family network do they have in place?
  • Is your decision to parent all about how YOU feel?   Or, is your decision based on your baby and his or her future?

Think about these questions as they may help you make up your mind to either parent your child or to make an adoption plan.  If you do choose adoption, you can be sure that those who make an adoption plan in the best interest of their children ARE GOOD MOTHERS! Hold your head up high – you deserve admiration and respect from not just the adoptive family, but also from your own family and friends.

Recommended Reading for Birthparents

  1. The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for AdoptionGritter, J.L. (1997). The spirit of open adoption. 
    Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of America
    A pioneer in open adoption practice, the author gives a realistic look at the pain, joy and beauty that open adoption holds for all members of the triad.
  2. Roles, P. (1989).  Saying goodbye to a baby.  Volume I: 
    The birthparent’s guide to loss and grief in adoption.

    Washington, DC:  Child Welfare League of America
    Written by a social worker and birthmother, this book covers all of the issues faced by birthparents, including the pregnancy, adoption decision, loss, later issues and reunion.
  3.  Connelly, M. (2002).  Given in love:  For mothers who are choosing an adoption plan.
    Omaha NE: Centering Corporation
    This booklet describes some of the emotions that many birthmother experience when making an adoption plan and addresses such topics as naming the baby, keeping mementos, writing letters, and spiritual grief.

For Birthmoms: (credit Child Welfare Information Gateway.  Available online at 111.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm.