Once a year I sit down and write a letter to the Birthmother of each of my children. I made this agreement when my daughter and son were born. Yes, it takes time to organize my thoughts, gather the pictures, get them printed, write the letter and mail out the packet. I live up to this commitment because I feel it is the least I can do for the woman who helped make my dreams of being a Mom come true. Does receiving an update matter to their Birthmoms ? Absolutely! I know this because they’ve told me what joy it brings to them to read about the child that they made an adoption plan for and whose care they entrusted to my husband and me. Now that I work at ANA Adoptions, I see how thankful birthmoms are to receive letters, pictures and updates of these loved children. Knowing that the child they gave birth to is growing, learning and living in a stable and loving home reaffirms their adoption decision and gives them peace.
Here is a list of information I include in our yearly letter. Remember, send clear pictures (at least 8) of your child that they can cherish. I include some images in the body of my letter too, but that’s the marketing/graphics person in me!
- Talk about how our child is growing and the kind of person they are and are growing into
- Overview of our child’s interests – arts, sports, music, friendships, etc.
- Child’s Health – well visit updates, growth, health issues, new foods eaten
- School or developmental progress
- Other activities/interests in more detail
- What we do each season (activities each season, Halloween, Christmas, Festivals, camps, vacations, etc.) and upcoming plans. We also talk about our kids’ birthday celebrations
- Relationship with their sibling
- Encourage them to write back as it is important for you to keep contact for health updates and for your child, either now or in the future, and to know that their birthmom thought about them
- Closing – reaffirm that their adoption decision was a good one and what a blessing “our” child is to all around them
- Hand sign the letter, and when old enough, have your child sign it too
Keeping our child’s Birthmom informed is a small thing that I can do considering how much their adoption choice blessed my life.
There is another benefit of these yearly updates that someone pointed out to me years ago. They said that my children have a wonderful record of their growing up. There are photos and a detailed story of what happened throughout the year for them to read about in the future. I read the letters to my daughter and son every now and then, and they do enjoy hearing about their past. I too enjoy reading back over the letters; it lets me relive many of the milestones – big and small – of their childhood!